My Digital Media Detox - ‘You’ Magazine, Irish Daily Mail
first published in ‘You’ Magazine, The Irish Daily Mail, Dec 2014
Recently I almost missed a call from a good friend. My phone was ‘on silent’ but I spotted the flashing light out of the corner of my eye and picked it up just in time. When I hung up after a long chat I felt great: lifted by the shared laughs, lighter from the sharing of trials and tribulations, my evening definitely enriched by a good conversation with an old friend.
I realised then how little I use the phone for chats with friends nowadays – not just a snatched few words, a comment on a Facebook photo or a quick text or email – more the good ol’ fashioned natters we used to have before mobile communications became a part of everyday life. Whilst I’m lucky to able to meet up with some friends quite regularly, given geographic and lifestyle differences it would never be possible to meet with everyone. So if we don’t call each other so much any more, don’t actually speak to each other, are we really staying connected? Are we really in touch with the people we want to stay in touch with, or have we substituted quality friendships for the high quantity of social media and online ones?
When I was a teenager, before social media, email and texting were invented (yes, I’m that old!), I could easily spend a couple of hours on the phone each evening catching up with friends. My parents could never comprehend how I could spend all day with a friend in school, walk the forty minutes home together and still have enough to talk about for a couple of hours in the evening. Of course we’re all busier now, with those pesky grown-up jobs and responsibilities, but are they really the problem? Or with the advent of new media has the spoken word lost out to the hurried, written word? And if so, is that a good or a bad thing?
I decided to find out. So I challenged myself to go back in time. For one whole week I vowed not to text, email or use social media to communicate with friends and family at all. Instead I was going to use my voice.
It wasn’t easy. Very soon I noticed the benefits of the quick, to-the-point text message - for simple things like making arrangements, telling people you’re running later, sending a quick photo. I also found it particularly frustrating for example not to be able to send a few short words of admiration in response to the emailed photo of a friend’s cute new puppy. But an hour or so after I posted on Facebook that I would be off-line for a week, I got a call from a good pal who I hadn’t spoken to in some time. He loved the idea of my challenge. Sure – we’re all busy, he said, but isn’t this what’s really important in life – not getting through our list of jobs – but taking the time to stay connected with the people that matter to us.
Spurred on by the call, I made a note of all the people I would get in touch with for quality chats and catch-ups during the week. But as I went to make the first call, I hesitated. Was this a good time? Would my friend be working/ putting the kids to bed/ out for the evening? As I went to dial her number, I feared I might be intruding – almost as though I should text her first to check that she was free, or email her to schedule a time that would suit us both. But of course that would defeat the purpose, so I onward I dialled.
Taking Time to Talk
And I was glad I did. As the week went on my telephone conversations revealed that one friend was moving out of Dublin and another was planning to come home for Christmas. I enjoyed hearing all about the antics of the new puppy of my friend (who I called instead of emailing). I also felt quite bad that I hadn’t known about the difficult time another friend was going through – of course it wasn’t something she’d been emailing or posting on social media about. She really appreciated the call and I was so glad I’d had the opportunity to be there for her, and to have been able to lend a few words of support.
But it wasn’t all plain sailing – I got my time zones confused and called a pal in New York at 7am thinking it was 5pm, I left messages on a lot of voicemails and I didn’t even nearly come close to talking to all of the people I’d hoped to connect with.
All in all, I was glad to get back online at the end of the week, safe in the knowledge that whilst there is doubtless a place in our busy lives for new ways of communicating, nothing has yet been invented to truly rival a proper conversation with a good friend.
You Magazine Article by Jenni Barrett, December 2014